Soccer Jokes

What happens to a soccer player who loses his eyesight?

He becomes a referee.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He notices that there is an empty seat to his right.  He is surprised and exclaims to the man on the other side.  "I can't believe someone would miss the World Cup Final!"  T

The guy replies: "That was my wife's seat.  She was very excited for the game, but unfortunately she passed away." T

The man: "How horrible!  Wasn't there anyone else a friend or someone in your family who could come with you?"

The guy: "No, they are all at the funeral."


Striker:  I had an open goal but I couldn't score.  I could kick myself I'm so mad!

Coach: I wouldn't bother; you'd probably miss yourself. 

A man went to his doctor and said "Doc, every night when I am sleeping I dream I am playing soccer."

The doctor tells him "Take these pills and they will help you to sleep better.

The man responds.  "I can't take them tonight, it's the final match!"

You know what they say about guys with big hands.

They're good goalies.

Kids soccer jokes

Why are soccer players good at math?

They know how to use their heads.

What type of tea do soccer players drink?

A penalty (tea)

What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of the practice?

Let's wrap this up!

What football team do sheep like?

Baaaaarcelona

Why did the soccer ball quit the team?

He was tired of being kicked around.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off her soccer team?

She kept running away from the ball.

Corny soccer jokes

What lights a football field at night?

A football match.

Girlfriend: I'll be right back.

Boyfriend: Ok, I'll be left forward

Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them, crossbars can't jump.

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